How Children Of Divorce Love – Are children of divorced families doomed to repeat the mistake that their parents’ did? Have you questioned yourself about this?
Quite possible. If you are in love with someone who had their parents divorced, you would wonder sometime or the other if they are going to be the same if they are going to make wrong choices in love and if they are going to leave you.
You sometimes worry that they might divorce you, or breakup and that they would leave you hurt and broken. So, every time you have a major argument or a fight, you cannot help but think if your partner, a child of divorce is doomed to take the wrong decisions or if they have the same relationship skills as their parents.
After all, the way we conduct ourselves in a relationship and the attitudes we have about marriage comes from our parents. A child is affected substantially when the parents’ divorce.
So, does that mean that children of divorced are incapable of love? No! That’s wrong. They are highly capable of loving and maintaining happy relationships. While it is true that divorce hurts, even the grown ones, we also need to understand that this gives our partners a unique perspective towards relationships. We as partners need to understand that children who come from divorced families have different ways of loving, and we need to appreciate those ways to nurture a relationship fully.
Here are the ways in which children of divorced parents love differently.
They are cautious
They have seen their parents. They know that heartbreak is hurtful, painful and exhausting. So, they are cautious. If you love someone who has divorced parents, you might find them taking much time. But it’s not because they don’t like you. It’s just that they don’t want to be hurt.
It’s scary for them
Perhaps, that’s something every individual who grew up in a divorced home would agree to. Relationships are difficult and scary for these people. The idea of living with the same someone for a long time may seem terrifying. They aren’t sure if those ‘happily ever after(s)’ are real!
They want big gestures
They may say it otherwise, but most of them appreciate big gestures. So, sometimes, a large bouquet of roses, a public proclamation of love or just about anything big will make them feel better.
Commitment is the key
They want to be committed. They want that assurance that you wouldn’t run away. No matter how scared they are, no matter how long they may take, you have to know that they want to commit, and they want to love.
They are communicative
They might not readily express their feelings, but during an argument or a discussion, they will come off as extremely talkative. Why? Because they know that lack of proper communication led to their parent’s breaking up. They don’t want that. This is how they love.
They are optimistic
They might not show it on their face, but if their actions seem to point out towards their immense love for you, then know that they are optimistic about the future. They know that things that work out can make their lives much better. And so, they are confident about your relationship.
But they are cynical
But when you are in a heated discussion or a fight, they may turn cynical, second guessing themselves. If you truly love children of divorced parents then don’t let their cynicism damper your spirit.
They are caring
Once their parents are divorced, they started taking care of them. And that’s when they learnt how to be caring. So, their love isn’t reflected in grandest of the things, but in taking care of you.
They question things
Yes! They have trust issues. There’s no doubt about it. And this can be quite irritating or frustrating at times. But perhaps, if you rationalize it, you will find that it stems from their parents’ divorce. Give it a while, talk to them and you will help them get rid of their trust issues.
They are aware
They are observant in relationships, they also search for red flags. So, if you are in love, make sure that you avoid doing anything for the first few weeks. And then, begin to ease. It is difficult, but once your partner opens up to you, the relationship will become better.
‘I will love you unconditionally!’
It’s not just Katy Perry’s song; it’s just how children of divorced parents will love you! They are as capable of showering love and affection as any other person. They also give their partner a ton of love to keep the flame alive.
They are open
They are open to your idea of having some more freedom. They open to giving more comfort in a relationship. They have seen that holding on too tight to a partner can lead to divorce and therefore, they provide appropriate freedom. They also comfort you with affectionate cuddles.
They don’t want to be abandoned
Those tears aren’t there because they are emotionally sensitive. But they are there because they don’t want to be left. So, yes, sometimes they may appear too clingy, despite all the freedom they give you. And that’s why you should be there for them.
They see the flaws
Yes! Whether it’s on the first date or the 50th, they will easily notice potential flaws that can lead to a relationship failure. If you have been dating for a long time, you might want to try talking to them and getting to the root of this issue. This will help in reducing arguments.
They are guarded
They might not seem vulnerable and emotionally available for a relationship right away. But with your love and affection, you can find an emotional, lovable side in them.
They are not prepared for the breakup
They may say that heartbreak doesn’t hurt or that they are immune to divorces, but the truth is that even they aren’t prepared for breakups. And it hurts them a lot more for it’s like living their parents’ life all over again.
They are hard to love
Loving children of divorced families can sometimes seem hard. But love is love. And if you love them, just give your relationship some time.
Be patient when in love and it shall reward you!