This is how we love now

We aren’t the same humans as we were centuries ago. Our brains have grown and developed over the years. Also, it’s not just homo-sapiens in general, even we as individuals have evolved so much.

Some of which is great. We are no longer bound to do things, and we have more freedom, more opportunities, and more choices. Our relationships are more equal than ever. Gender equality is much more prevalent than it was just a century ago.

Related: How To Love A Depressed Person or Loved One.

However, in the midst of all this, our relationships have changed. The way we ‘love’ has changed. We don’t like to commit now– there’s just too many fishes in the sea. Like what if you commit to someone and find someone better.

And there’s no dearth of apps around us. With just a touch of our fingertips, we can open the world of Tinder, Grindr, Dattch, Truly-Madly and OkCupid, take our pick! It’s as simple as ordering a salad online or selecting an item on the menu!

For us, intimacy reflects the use of Emoji, or use of bright stickers if the conversation is on Facebook. ‘Good Morning’ reflects ‘true love,’ while a lack of response reflects ‘lack of interest,’ or ‘ghosting.’

But is romance dead?

Well, maybe it is! While social media has connected us and smartphones have us closer, they have also made us ‘apart.’ Perhaps, that’s why there are so many arguments between couples when they can’t see each other’s laptops or Facebook accounts while it is considered romantic to put down the phone and look into each other’s’ eyes.

Perhaps, in our attempt to simplify communications, we have complicated the thought, feeling, and action.

Earlier, it was all about, ‘I found someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with!’ However, now, it’s more about, ‘I like them, but I am not so sure.’ Should I send a message? Would it be too desperate? I shouldn’t call her twice! Why hasn’t he changed the relationship status on his account?’

In fact, in today’s era, romancing is more like deleting your Tinder account and sharing your social media passwords with your partner.

Maybe! Maybe romance isn’t dead anymore. Maybe it’s just how it’s evolved. But this evolution has reduced our intimacy, and it’s making us fearful- fearful of being vulnerable, fearful of sharing, fearful of committing.

Also Read: Why “Love You Forever” Is A Beautiful Book?

And even if we do manage to commit, our one eye is still wandering at other options and the second is carefully observing the partner see when they cheat, sex or think about leaving. Modern relationships are freaking us out!

The fact that we have so many options around us that it’s killing us. It is like, ‘I could leave this relationship because there might be better opportunities for me. Maybe, I shouldn’t be eating an average buffet when I can have the finest filet of mignon!’

It’s like that we are never satisfied. It’s good to endeavor for growth, to strive for betterment. However, in relationships, this has prompted us to keep one foot out of the door, so that we can run whenever we want.

The contentment is not there. Why? Because in our hearts we are always hoping for something better, we are always looking for the thrill of next relationship, the instant gratification of new choices. Moreover, that prevents us from enjoying what we have- right here, right now!

It’s like a demon in our brain, a voice that’s constantly telling us to bail out, that it’s difficult to love. The point is that even if we cannot get all of our ‘choices,’ we rejoice with the fact that they are tantalizing enough. Of course, this is applicable for everyone.

However, a lot of us are still bombarded with innumerable inputs, endless information, and choices that leave us dissatisfied. Moreover, worse, we look at others on social media and find out that we do not really have what they do (even if they are looking at us and feeling the same).

Then, we begin wondering why nothing lasts longer, why people around us are breaking up or divorcing more often than ever. And without the right answers, we just begin to feel a little hopeless. Because we do not see our lives as they are, instead we are grimacing over the life we don’t have.

So, even when we do end up finding a person whom we would love to commit or be intimate to, even if we do find a person that we want to say, ‘I love you,’ to, we don’t have the courage to feel.

Our feelings are mostly limited to telling people on Facebook that we are ‘committed,’ or adding pictures on Instagram hashtagged, ‘Love!’ But in the midst of sharing, we forget to share those tear-stained pillows, the first fights or the red eyes. And even if we do, we end up mocking ourselves and the relationship.

We forget to tell the world what goes beyond the ‘Happy Couple’ photos. Love seems perfect until it’s not. After all, you are bound to see clear pictures of other couples and wonder if they are more perfect than you are.

We then become the part of ‘The Comparison Generation,’ where nothing that we have is good enough or the best. We find ourselves in despair, trying to measure up to the perfection of others (which by the way, doesn’t exist). In the middle of this, our relationship stops to exist. We begin to feel miserable.

So, we break up. Break up because we don’t feel that ‘attraction’ anymore, because we feel that the other person doesn’t make us feel special too often. We break up because others look happier than we do.

And then, the cycle of swiping, swiping and swiping more profiles begin. We click on someone new just like we order a pizza. And then, there’s another Good morning text, another flirtatious text and another ‘special’ feel, until it becomes all too real and we break up again.

The words, ‘This isn’t working anymore!’ ‘Something feels wrong,’ ‘I don’t understand what it is. But we need to let go,’ become a common part of our vocabulary.

And once again we move onto the next, something more elusive. The next gratification for us. We need more pictures, more filters, more statuses, more texts and more attention. But it’s all an illusion.

In the end, we begin to wonder what the true definition of love or romance is. Well, I can’t answer that for you. But maybe you could discover it for yourself. Reduce those phone calls a little, find the face behind the phone screen, drop that tab and experience the mental slowness of the day. Crave for simplicity.

Don’t wait for the validation through up-votes, retweets, comments and favorites. Once you do that, you will experience a new, a right connection. And that is when you will build ‘love,’ with a definition that’s genuine and pure to you.

This is not how you should be dating. This is not how you should be romancing. Put down that tech of yours and look around- there’s a chance to find love!

Also Read: 13 Thing Mentally Strong People Never Do.